There is something to be said about the summer solstice, to splice a year into two, to be a turning point for the sun to set earlier and earlier. To be the peak of the year of the fire horse, in the deep cancer season and the fire month.
It is full of untethered energy, that has no where to go. simmering.
The water in the sea is hot-hot. The dosa from a bengali man served by a tamil man comes with a red sour-spicey powder. then speaks to me in Bahasa Melayu. the sand is hot to my bare feet. the wind blows hot air into my face. I climb a hillside, the heatwaves curling from the hot tarmac.
everything is hot.
to poke a hole and let the air pass, is to let it pool. drinking green tea and sea coconut. eating citrus fruit, to sweat, liquid pools from the hot air.
These days I have been listening to bright music, cutting through the fire in the air. songs where lyrics are written in 30 seconds. the burning heart tempering the energy, shorter than 3 mins, with edm from 2016. It is horrible. But it is also incredible delectable.
catchy edm that harks back to Zedd. I love-hate the ridiculousness of it.
catchy edm that harks back to Zedd. I love-hate the ridiculousness of it.
The heat doesn’t help with calming our minds. I do yoga everyday with sound baths that sear the air with vibrations. It emanates the heat further and further encompassing the whole island. The rain also is in a hurry, falling for a moment, then the the sun cuts through the water droplets.
“This Full Moon may illuminate where something has been held together by duty, habit, reputation, obligation, or fear. And then one small moment makes it impossible to unsee. The system never changed, you finally stopped pretending it was working. “
And the sea stays a stagnant grey. and continues to be for the whole month of june. I refrain from entering the sea, its murky, deep.
I had a talk with a healer, and I couldn’t quite comprehend my own emotions. It is because I was rushing to get to the session? or was I simply too stimulated by the dopamine hits.
I learned about oxytocin, as a hormone that releases when we are soft with one another. I have always contended with being sharp. Academically, I needed to have all the answers. Rather than a round about way nourished by the care of the topic. I wonder how to write in a way that enables a slow accumulation of ideas. In a way that isn’t singular. In a way that is not linear. But the nature of words, draws a string for us to follow. It is about tracing, repetition, stroking the idea out as it leaks onto the page. that unstructured feelings can spill, wet, become crunchy.
As one who is guided by saturnian movements, I am deeply aware that structures are to collapse, and rebuild. It is my fate that i end another few years here, because everything collapses and my four planets in detriment causes more soreness in my system. But to be one that is enabled by these systemic collapses that occurs too often or not, it is a tingly movement.
To do, vs. to say to do, vs. to actualise it and believe in it, these time-skips are what makes us human.
So, I must slow down, massage my gut counter clockwise, be healer of myself, and led through a door to the other side by other folks beckoning me to play.
im finally excited to not know again. focus, and let rituals of the everyday guide me through.
two new theorists to delve into deeper:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLrXie8DUnI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22eh9bHVeTc
and it shifts again. the fire is simmering, the moon cuts through like a blade in the night sky, the rain is relentless, hot, and pours. Crunching through not feeling the relay of support, the work of mediating